Half a year

My twins,

Wow! I can’t believe you both are already six months old.  Words cannot describe how much you two have changed my life and the life of others around you.  I will eternally be grateful to God for giving me such beautiful angels from heaven.   The first time I held you two in my arms will forever be etched in my memory as the HAPPIEST day of my life.  The first few days weeks were tough.  I remember thinking, at times, that I was somehow being robbed from some of the experiences that singleton mothers get to enjoy.  I wanted so bad to be able to feed the two of you at the same time, rock you to sleep or just give each of you equal attention and love.  Your daddy and I were so exhausted and at times, had to relinquish some of the duties to get some rest.  I know understand that I wasn’t’ being robbed from the whole “mother experience” but rather, I was given the blessing of loving and caring for two babies at once.  And so, I have learned to manage to give you as much love as any one baby would get.  The days that both of you take naps at the same time is great because I get to relax (clean, cook, do laundry, etc.).  However, the days that naps are at different times, I enjoy too.  Even though I don’t get a break, it means that I can spend some one-on-one time with each of you.  I can 100% focus on one you for that moment.  When I’m by myself and you two are crying/needing something, I hate having to “choose” which to tend first.  The days that daddy are off are great.  He’s such a big help and he LOVES to play with both of you.  Don’t tell him I’m admitting this, but no one else can make you laugh like he does.  Every time he comes home from work, you two get the biggest smiles on your face and laugh so hard.  Thank you my twincesses for being so happy, full of life and joy.  Because of you, I am now the happiest person in the world.  I pray to God for your safety and health.  Please know that your daddy and I love you more than anything else in this world. 

Juliana,

My first born, my love, daddy and I picked out your name years ago.  And now that you are finally here, you are more beautiful than I could ever imagine.  I love that you and your sister have such distinct personalities.  You want so much more attention and we are happy to give it to you.  You would rather be in my arms than anywhere else.  You love to watch and analyze new people.  You get this trait from your daddy.  As a newborn, you looked so much like a Santos baby.  I think that you are starting to look like me.  You love to cuddle and snuggle with your blanket.  So far, you have hit each milestone before your sister, except for crawling, but she’s right there behind you.  When trying new things, you really want to do them, but get frustrated when you can’t.  You love to "talk" and scream.  You're my vocal little baby.

Isabella,

My little fish-out-of water, you are constantly moving!  I love that about you.  Even in my belly, you were always so active.  You are my happy girl.  Most of the time, you are so content and chill.  I can leave you in one spot and you will entertain yourself or manage a way to get out of it.  It’s so easy to make you smile and laugh.  I think you’re going to be a flirt just like mami.  Put a camera in front of you and you pose; so photogenic.  I love watching you “crawl.”   You love to roll.  Seriously, you never stop moving.  You’re so persistent and never give up.  You can be a bully towards your sister sometimes.  I know you’re not trying to hurt her; you just want to touch her and play with her.  It’s so cute to watch you both interact.  It makes me so happy. 

Zero to Two in 37 Weeks

Birth story...


So I've been wanting to write my birth story for a while now. I'm actually pretty sad that I didn't do it sooner since I'm sure there are a few things I forgot already.

It all started the day of induction. Yes, unfortunately I had to be induced. Let me just say that almost everything I wanted for my birth plan did not go as planned. I'm not going to say that it was a horrible experience because the end result was so amazing, but it was far from ideal. If, let me say that again, IF we ever have any more children, there are soooooooo many things I will do differently. But that would be a totally different blog to write about, if we ever cross that bridge.

The beautiful day was January 2nd, 2012 (1-2-12). The night before, Brad and I went out for a delicious dinner and dessert for a last meal as a family of two. We didn't really feel any anxiety. We were more than ready. I had to go to the hospital a few days before with PAINFUL contractions. Approximately 6 hours later, they realized it was false labor and sent us home. Needless to say, we were ready for the twincesses to arrive.

I had everything packed, slept comfortably and took a hot shower that morning. We got our things, kissed our fur babies goodbye (I was sad that I was not going to see them for a few days) and left for the hospital. I remember how excited we were on the car ride there. Even though it was so early, we were so eager to meet the girls.

Because my pregnancy was considered high risk, I didn't feel like I had much control of how things could go down. Having a natural, home-birth was out of the question...too risky for us! My main concern was being able to give birth vaginally. Out of everything else, that was something I didn't want to change. I knew that I had to mentally prepare myself otherwise, but never really thought it could happen. When a woman is expecting twins and decides to give birth vaginally, she needs to understand that an emergency c-section may happen with baby B, if it decides to move at the last minute and become breeched. I was totally okay with that. It was something that both, Brad and I, wanted to experience. So if Isa had to come out via cesarean, we were ready for that. However, my entire family did not agree.

We got to the hospital at 7am and got admitted right away. When they checked me, I was still 2cm dilated. They started me on Pitocin around 10am and the contractions slowly became closer together and more painful. We waited, and waited and waited for things to slowly progress. Seriously, we hated waiting. At first, I was starving but then the IV kicked in and I felt fine. Brad, on the other hand, decided that if I wasn't eating anything, he wasn't going to either. My poor hubby did not eat a single thing the entire time. I guess he wanted to experience that with me. That was one of the few things he had control over.

A few hours later, the doctor came in to check on me. Since things were progressing slowly, she decided to break my water. Wow, what a weird feeling that was! The funny part was, that fluids kept coming out for a while, like an uncontrollable pee lol. When she broke my water, Brad was right there watching. He said that it was the worse smell ever!!!! Even worse than the smell of dead people. Hey, not my fault he wanted to be that involved lol. Let me just say that after that, the contractions starting getting closer together and freaking painful. Up to this point, things were going pretty well. The babies were still head down, ready to make an entrance into the world. The doctor was so excited to be able to deliver twins vaginally. Everything changed when....................I got an EPIDURAL!

I was a bit hesitant to get it when I was only 4cm dilated. The nurse, somehow, convinced me that getting sooner was better. So I did, out of fear that waiting too long could potentially deprive me from it. Luckily, Brad was able to be in the room and hold my hand while I was getting it. I also had to get a catheter, which was great because I didn't have to get up every 10 mins to go to the bathroom. The epidural felt amazing. The pain was gone. Ahhh, I could finally relax and enjoy everyone's company. Until..........the ITCHING started. WTF, why didn't anyone warn me about this side-effect???? I don't know how to describe how I was feeling. It felt like thousands, no millions, of ants were crawling and biting me all over my upper body. I was BEGGING everyone to scratch me. After a while, my family was refusing to help me because my skin was red from all the scratching. The nurse offered to give me Benadryl to relieve the itching, but it would make me drowsy; I declined. I was already feeling tired and didn't want to be completely exhausted during birth. Things started getting really aggravating when I stopped dilating. The doctor checked me and I was at 4.5 cm.

One hour goes by......Two hours go by.......I was still itching!!!! Ok someone please take me to a mental institution..............I felt like I was losing my mind and nobody was willing to help scratch me. I gave in and took the damn Benadryl. So at this point, I'm completely out of it and STILL 4.5 cm dilated. Ugh, so frustrating! It was obvious that my body was not cooperating. Juliana's heart rate started to drop. The doctor said there was nothing else for us to do and for the health of the twins I would have to get a c-section. My world came crashing down. I would have to wait another hour for the OR to be ready and she would check me one more time before going in. I couldn't help but cry. This is NOT what I wanted. Why was my body not doing what it was meant to do? I knew that I should have waited on the epidural. I couldn't get up and walk around. There was nothing I could do to make my body progress. After that, I didn't want anyone else in the room but Brad. He was my rock. He was right next to me trying to make me feel better about the situation. I wanted everyone to be quiet and let me "relax." I was so exhausted and wanted the girls to come out so bad.

Then finally the time came. The OR was cold and I was really nervous about the surgery. They gave me some other medicine, which made me shake uncontrollably. Not like a little shake, but more like, I'm having a seizure kind of shake. Then the feeling of vomit started. Since there was nothing in my stomach, I started to dry heave. I also had to get oxygen. I remember that at one point, I couldn't breathe. When Juliana first arrived, it took her a few seconds to cry. Ohhhh God, that was the most beautiful sound. I could hear my baby girl crying!!! They quickly showed her to me before whisking her away to check her. Oh yeah, did I mention the room was full of doctors and nurses??? Two minutes later Isabella arrived. She literary came out crying. Not only that, she was grabbing the doctor's tools. How funny is that? My little active girl was already showing her personality. I saw her for few seconds too. Brad went to be with the girls that were in the same room, but on the other side.

I could hear the doctor and nurses talking about something. I knew that something wasn't right. Later I found out that my placenta had attached itself too deeply into the wall of the uterus. This happens about 1 in 2,500 pregnancies and I was the lucky one. Ultrasounds usually can detect this, but in my case they couldn't because I was carrying two. So I had to get stitches in my uterus. Having a c-section was a blessing in disguise.

Juliana Carolina.  Born at 7:03pm 5 lbs 3 oz 17.75 inches long

Isabella Marie. Born at 7:05pm 4 lbs 15 oz 18 inches long

When Brad came over with the girls, I could not open my eyes. I was so out of it that I physically could not make myself open my eyes. He kept saying to look at the girls, and I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't.

When we got to the recovery room, I told the nurse that I didn't want anyone to come in. I wanted to enjoy this moment just the four of us. This nurse allowed me to bond with my twins. For that, I will forever be thankful. Since I didn't get to experience vaginal birth, I at least got to experience that one-on-one skin contact with them. You can't tell in the picture, but I was still shaking pretty bad. I was scared to hurt the babies. Having them finally in my arms was the best feeling in the entire world. I had two beautiful, healthy girls. They were absolutely perfect.
 

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” - Rajneesh

Our first family picture.  I know I look hideous, but I love the simplicity and natural look of it.  We were finally parents.  I loved that we got to enjoy this alone.  Our lives were forever changed on that day. 

Brad was so happy and proud of becoming a dad.  Already a pro at holding both of his little girls =)

I Grew a Pair....

Yesterday was the first day EVER that I have taken the twincesses out all by myself. I mean, I have done a car ride alone with them, but never to go somewhere just the three us. The idea of doing it alone has always frightened me. What would I do if both girls start to cry and/or scream?!? My friend, Jen, who is also a mother of twins, have been pushing me to do so. She has been a SAHM since her twins were born, so she's definitely a pro when it comes to taking care of two. She has been telling me to make a trip to Publix just to get out of the house. Just thinking about it makes me tired lol. Feed the girls, change them, have the diaper bag ready, put them in the car seats, go to Publix....and then what? Umm, I definitely can't push two carts or push a cart and a stroller by myself. So basically, I would have two car seats in ONE cart and no place to put groceries in lol. Either way, I will absolutely do it one day.

Anyways, back to my story. I'm a memeber of a Mom of Twins Group that periodically gets together for play dates. Jen, who has been a member for a while, said she was going to a play date and that I should go too. Ok what the heck, I'll go! I would really love to meet other moms and well, the twins are older and much easier to take care of. Luckily, Brad had the day off, so he was able to help me get the twins ready. I got in the car and met Jen, who lives only a few blocks away from me. Then, I followed her to the mall. As I'm driving, things seemed to be going well. The twins were entertaining themselves with toys, didn't cry (they hate their car seats!) and eventually fell asleep (thank God). Wow, this isn't so bad. Ok we get to the mall, I get the monstrous stroller out and off we go! We go inside and go straight to the playground. When we got there, I realized that you can't bring the stroller inside the playground.  Duh, I knew that, just never been faced with that situation.  Ugh, why can't they crawl already?  It would make things much easier.  With Jen's help, I get the twins out of their seats.  She offered to hold one, Isa. As soon as I sit down, I smelled...POOP! Seriously, I can spot a dirty diaper from miles away. Crap, ok now I have to change her and the closest bathroom is kind of far away in Dillards. Once again, Jen was nice enough to offer to stay with Isa while I went to the bathroom with Juju to change her diaper. I took the diaper bag and went to Dillards with Juliana. Ok, so far everything seemed to be going well. I got to the bathroom, changed the diaper, scanned a few baby clothes (hey, not my fault the bathroom was right next to the infant section) and headed back. As I approached the playground, I could see that Isa was crying and that Jen was doing everything in her power to make her stop.

Ohhh no, not a crier!

Isa totally freaked out when I left. Apparently, she was having separation anxiety. I think is more the fact that I left her ALONE with complete STRANGERS! Ok, I admit, rookie mistake. Note to self: don't leave them alone unless is with someone they know, especially Isa. I've realized that she really doesn't like big crowds....ummm I wonder who she gets this personality trait from??? DAD! My poor child was crying so hard her entire face was red and she had boogies running down her nose =( I grabbed her right away (after putting baby A down) and started talking to her. She immediately stopped crying. We sat there for about 15 mins and I briefly talked to a few moms, whose twins were much older; 2-4 years old.  At one point, I had both girls on my lap or one sitting next to me while the other one was on my lap. Ok, maybe a play date this young wasn't such a good idea. After all, they can't walk or play yet. Afterwards, we went to the food court to get lunch. Once again, I had to leave the twins alone with Jen so I could buy my food. And, once again, Isa started to cry. Ahhh, she’s supposed to be my happy, easy going baby. Juliana, on the other hand, was sitting in her car seat playing with her toys, not making a sound!!! We left right in time before having cranky, tired babies. Isabella quickly passed out on the drive home.

Overall, the girls did great. We all got home safely and I didn't feel like killing myself haha. Besides Isa's two outbursts, the twins enjoyed the outing and loved looking around at things. Would I go out again to a playmate by myself? Absolutely! I just have to wait a little longer.  I want the girls to be able to interact with other kids, or at least be able to explore things on their own.  I'm happy I finally grew a pair and ventured out of my comfort zone to meet some great people.

Twin Bond ♥

As I sit here watching my daughters interact with one another, I wonder if they will ever realize how lucky they are. They have a built-in best friend for life. It's amazing to see how much they both have changed since they were born. Although they're twins, they have their own unique, individual personalities that stand out. I love that they are finally starting to realize each other's existence. Last night, as I was in the kitchen with Brad, I could hear both of them just talking up a storm in the living room. So I went to check up on them. What I saw, not only made my heart melt, but it made me realize how lucky they are to have each other. The twins were laughing and talking to each other!!! I quickly grabbed my camera to record what was happening, when I realized that it was dead. Ugh, how did I forget to charge it? Oh well, I'm sure I will have a million more chances to record them doing that. I know that growing up having a twin sister will have some challenges. I can only hope that I am able to guide and help them as they get older.   

Wow, I'm getting HUGE!

So I have wanted to write about my pregnancy and birth story for some time now.  I want to blog about it because I don't want to forget it.  It hasn't even been six months yet since I gave birth and I feel like I don't remember parts of it already.  I want my girls to know ALL about it when they get older. 

Six months before Brad and I decided to start trying for a baby, I stopped taking my birth control pills.  I went to my OBGYN for a yearly check-up and to find out more information about pregnancy.  I started taking prenatal pills soon after that.  When we finally decided to start "trying" it was a very special moment.  It is something that I will never forget.  The first month was disappointing.  I was so eager to get pregnant that I took like 3 pregnancy tests; all 3 came back negative.  A month after that on a Friday, I felt a very weird feeling in my stomach.  It was a feeling that I had never felt before, sort of like a stomach ache.  I didn't want to get my hopes up so I didn't think much of it.  As the day went on, I started to feel worse.  Since I was still at work, my friend, Toni (another 1st grade teacher) let me bring my class to her room for a read aloud.  I remember very clearly that one of my students, Xavier, asked me if I was pregnant.  It really caught me off guard.  That day on my way home from work, I called Brad to let him know I wasn't feeling so well.  I told myself the month before that I didn't want to waste any more pregnancy tests.  Those things are expensive lol.  So I promised myself that I would wait until 5 days after my missed period.  So that night I did not take a pregnancy test.  The next day Brad had to work, so I met up with my family at a park in Largo.  Ironically, none of the spouses had come with them either.  It was my parents, two sisters, brother, my nephews and niece.  The feeling in my stomach was still present.  After being at the park for a few hours, we decided to go to my sister's house.  I rode with my sister, Claudia, back to her place.  I told her how I felt, but she didn't think it was due to pregnancy.  When we got to her place, she and Ricardo went to get food with the kids.  Then, I told Nadia how I felt.  She immediately said we needed to buy a pregnancy test.  I didn't want to.  I told her I would just take one once I got home since I had some there.  She had the great idea of going to the dollar store and getting a cheap one.  So, I gave in.  We went to the dollar store and bought a pregnancy test for a DOLLAR! She promised not to mention a thing if it came out negative.  We got back to the house and went straight into the bathroom.  Usually, pregnancy tests take about a minute to show the results, but this test immediately showed TWO lines!!!!!!  We both were mesmerized by the results.  She screamed so loud and sat on me while I was still sitting on the toilet lol.  We started to cry!!!  My parents came running; knocking on the door asking if everything was okay.  We told them the amazing news.  Soon after that, my sister and brother came back home to find out the news as well.  Claudia started to cry right away.  It was such a happy moment.  We went to the store to buy another, more expensive test to double check.  Yup, once again it showed that I was pregnant =)  I didn't want to tell Brad this life changing news over the phone, so instead, I decided to surprise him after he got home from work with a beautiful, hand-made card and a red and pink, heart-shaped box with the pregnancy test inside.  I deliberately slept on the couch downstairs because I wanted to be able to hear him when he got home at 6am.  All I remember him saying was....are you serious? are you sure? and then we hugged for a very long time.  It was amazing! That day was amazing! We were both so happy that we didn't want to go to sleep.  We had been waiting for this moment for a long time.  We waited for the right time to get pregnant.  We both wanted to have stable careers, I wanted to have my degree, travel, have a beautiful house, and financially afford a child. 

After 7 long years, it happened.   

We are expecting TWINS!

Overall I had a very healthy, normal pregnancy.  I didn't get any sickness, although I did have horrible back pains.  We were very shocked when we found out we were expecting TWINS!!!!  My dad is a twin, but I never thought that it would happen to me us.  Needless to say, Brad and I were very excited and overwhelmed when we found out.  I started showing very quickly.  I loved almost every part of pregnancy except for one.  When I was 18 weeks pregnant, they realized that my cervix was a bit thin.  I was put on moderate bed rest.  I was able to work, but had to take it easy once I got home.  This also meant no more sex lol.  I really tried my best to sit down as much as possible at work and to not walk around a lot.  On my 26 week ultrasound, the doctor realized that my cervix was extremely short and wanted me to go to the hospital right away.  She said that I could no longer work and that I had to be on strict bed rest, meaning I could only get up to go to the bathroom.  She said that carrying two babies was putting too much pressure on my cervix, specially being a teacher and having to stand most of the day.  When she said I could no longer work, tears started running down my face.  I got angry.  I wasn't angry at her, but at the situation I was facing.  A million thoughts started running through my head.  Who would take care of my students? I have so many standards left to teach! What am I going to do about parent-teacher conference night? I didn't get to explain to the substitute my rules and procedures? I need to finish report cards! Ahhhhh!!!!  Then it hit me.  Being on bed rest would take up most of my maternity leave.  Coincidentally, I had spoken to HR a few days before about my maternity leave.  I told the HR lady that I was considered a high risk pregnancy because I was carrying twins and that there was a possibility that I could be placed on bed rest.  That didn't matter.  If I was put on bed rest, it would take away from my 15 week maternity leave (I got 3 extra weeks due to Thanksgiving and Christmas break).  At that point I didn't care anymore.  I started thinking about what was really important.........the health of my babies. 
At first, Brad and I were hesitant about going to the hospital.  I felt fine.  Why waste time going to the hospital? When I got to the hospital, I was admitted right away.  After getting hooked up to a thousand things, it showed that I was having contractions.  Luckily, I could not feel them.  They gave me medicine to stop them and said that I would have to stay in the hospital overnight.  The contractions eventually stopped, but as a precaution, I got the steroid shots to mature the babies' lungs.  I ended up staying at the hospital for two nights.  My doctors were trying to decide whether to let me continue my bed rest at home or at the hospital.  I was so grateful when they let me go home.  I admire patients that have to stay at a hospital for a long period of time.  I was only there for two days, but it felt like an eternity. 
After that, I had no other issues with my pregnancy.  I had to take Nifedipine pills four times a day to stop contractions for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Towards the end, it didn't really help because I had contractions the last month of pregnancy.  Every time we went for a check-up or ultrasound everything was normal.  I was able to extend my maternity leave a month longer and things worked out very well.  I was very lucky to have carried my twins full-term at 36 weeks and 5 days.  Although I had mentally "prepared" myself  for the possibility of the twins having to stay in the NiCU, they were born healthy and were able to stay with me the entire time, but best of all, they were able to come home with us! ♥

8 weeks

15 weeks

19 weeks

25 weeks

28 weeks

32 weeks

35 weeks

Last belly picture at 36 weeks and 5 days!  Day of induction! Total weight gained: 44 lbs

Happy twins, happy mami!

There are a few things that I want to blog about but I just don't have the time right now. So I'm here to quickly share a video of the twins laughing.  They LOVE it when I pretend to eat them!  It must be the silly sounds I make.  It's always nice to come home from work to happy babies.  This last week of school has been d...r...a...g...g...i...n...g and my students are so anxious and ready for the school year to be over.  Slowly, I've been packing up my classroom and putting all my things into boxes.  It's crazy to think that I have relinquished my position and that I won't be using all these materials for at least another year.  Yup, makes me EXCITED!

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  In my case, I have two little hearts ♥


                                       Ok gotta go, Brad and the couch are calling my name!

What's a spoon?!?!?

So I promised myself that whenever I had a baby babies I would record them a LOT!

I want to be able to show my girls all these videos when they get older. I don't have any videos of myself when I was a baby..........so I want to make sure that they have something to look at, laugh and enjoy when they get older.

Here is one of many videos; the twins' first experience with rice cereal. I was feeding Isabella and Brad was feeding Juliana. The joy of having twins is that we each get a baby to experience new things!

ENJOY