What is this you speak of?

Ok let me first start by saying that this post is about MY experience during pregnancy and motherhood.  I don't want to be judged for anything that I felt or I'm feeling now.  These things were not written in a book, nobody told me about them....they just happened.  I'm aware that not everyone goes through the same things, but here is a few things that I wish someone had told me!

1.  Pregnancy- During my first trimester I had a really hard time with gaining weight.  It was exactly during the time that you're starting to get a bump, but don't look pregnant yet.  I was worried about what other people thought.  Please don't judge me.  This is how I felt.  I was so happy about my pregnancy, yet hated this stage.  That stage where you're too big for your regular clothes, yet too small for maternity clothes.  I felt really guilty for feeling this way.  I would cry to Brad saying I looked "fat."  I know a lot of it had to do with my hormones and part of it was the fact that I couldn't workout anymore.......and well, everything I had worked hard for was "changing."  Once my belly started to grow and I looked pregnant.......I absolutely loved it!!!! I never once cared about how much weight I gained or how "fat" I looked.  It was the beginning stage that was hard for me and realizing how much my body was going to change.  I have only talked to two people about it prior to this.  I hope not to offend anyone.

2. Damn you epidural for making me itch like a crazy woman.  I have never heard that this could be a possible side-affect.  Shame on me for not really looking into it either. 

3. Holy crap breastfeeding HURTS!!!  Ok, it only hurts at first.......then your nipples lose any sort of sensitivity lol.  There is nothing like two little mouths sucking on them to make them raw and bleed.  Pumping is just as bad.

4. Boobs!!! Yes, once you are producing milk your boobs look huge and amazing.  Unfortunately, I got engorged all the time!!!  That shit was PAINFUL!!!!  I pumped a lot to have enough supply for both of my girls and to freeze some of it too.  So I pumped every 3 hrs, sometimes 2.5, around the clock, yes even in the middle of the night.  It was the hardest job to do.  I felt like that's all I did all day...Brad called me his COW and would proudly show people our milk supply in the freezer lol. 

5. Since I got engorged a lot, my boobs felt so hard.  Touch your tile floor or the table next to you and that's how my boobs felt.  The only way that I was able to relieve the pain was to pump/breastfeed.  I literary felt like I was going to explode!!!  The first initial pumps did hurt because my boobs were so sensitive, but after that, it felt amazing to extract the milk. My boobs would start to feel normal again, if only for a short period of time.

6. The decision to stop pumping/breastfeeding was made for me.  I didn't get to choose.  I had to go back to work and there was no way I could pump every 3 hrs at work.  There was no way I could tell the students "hey kids, my boobs are leaking and hurting like a mofo, I'll be right back in about 15 mins.  Please continue to do what you're supposed to do and please, please don't talk,"  Yeahhh right. 
Although I was happy to be done with such a time-consuming "job" of pumping, it was really a hard decision for me to do physically and mentally.

• Mentally- I had a large amount of milk supply in the freezer.  All those weeks of hard work had paid off.  However, I knew with two babies to feed and the amount of milk they were increasingly taking in, that supply would quickly deplete.  I hated the fact that my babies would be drinking formula at almost 3 months old.  I wanted to continue to provide for my babies.  It was such an amazing, gratifying experience to know that you could provide everything they needed to grow healthy and strong.  I cried for many days about this.  I hated having to pump and would complain so much about it, but I hated MORE not giving my breast milk to my girls.  Till this day, I'm so jealous (in a good way) of mothers who can breastfeed/pump for many months.  I truly recommend it, although I know it is not for everyone either. 

• Physically- Ok I will say that trying to stop my milk supply was the most excruciating and painful thing I have ever felt.  I will go through labor again and have a c-section any time before I have to go through that again!!! I stopped "cold-turkey" because that's the fastest way to dry-up your milk supply.  The first day was the worst.  After 4 hours, I had to pump a little bit, otherwise I would have exploded lol.  I read a lot of ways to stop your milk production, but the most effective one was to just stop altogether.  I never want to feel that pain again...I don't even wish that upon my worst enemy.  I used cold cabbage leaves on my boobies and somehow it did help a lot!  Yup, I walked around smelling like a salad haha.  Not sure who thought of it, but damn she must have been a genius....thank you!!!!

7. Let's be honest. Being pregnant messes up your body....bad!!!  You gain weight in all the wrong places, and then you either push that sucker out of your vajayjay or even worse, have to have your stomach cut open.  Don't even get me started on stretch marks, cellulite and lose skin.  Blah!  Ok, I knew all those things could happen....specially carrying two little ones.  Then these precious bundles of joy arrive......and..........they continue to mess with your body.  I lost count of how many times I have been pinched, scratched, punched, hair pulled, bit...and the list goes on and on.  Either way, I would do it all again in a heartbeat =)

8. Sleep.  What a beautiful thing it is.  Even after your baby(ies) start to sleep through the night, sleep is no longer the same.  You can never sleep deeply.  In my case, there's that constant worrying.  Not to mention all the sounds they make throughout the night.  Say goodbye to naps too ;)~   Even if you have a babysitter at night so that you can go out with your hubs, you still have to get up early in the morning.  I rather stay at home and catch up on my sleep, than be miserable in the morning lol.  The memory of waking up at noon on the weekends is slowing fading away...

9. See my beautiful house, it is now designed by two toddlers =)  You know it has not been a successful day until you stepped on a TOY!!!  Most of my decorations have been put away, tables have been moved out of the way and a thousands of toys have taken over.  Even worse if you have a two-story house.....then everything multiplies.  You have to have enough toys in both areas and you need a changing table station downstairs too.  One day, I'll get my house back, until then, I'll enjoy all of it. I think know one day I will miss it.

10.  What is that smell and where did it come from?  Once you have a baby, you have seen it, smelled it and cleaned it all.  You will get poop on your hands, puke on your face and clean nasty boogers.  You don't realize how important poop will become to you once you have a kid. It ranges from diarrhea to constipation. 


There are many more things I would love to write about, but I just don't have the time ;)  For all of those pregnant or childless friends out there, please don't be scared.  None of this matters once you see your beautiful children smile, kiss you and hug you.  It is all WORTH it!